height="110">Close to you - Carpenters

Thursday, January 14, 2010

2010. Didnt want to make verbal nor written resolutions. I rather keep it in mind and if i managed to succeed, lo and behold, i will celebrate in 2011.
It was a lovely start, beginning the year with my dance frens at a stayover. so 31st dec 2009 stretched into 1st Jan 2010 and 1st Jan 2010 stretched into 2nd Jan 2010. This long stretch was spent amidst ps3, movies, outings, meetups, a particularly nice mushroom dish and a pina colada sort of mocktail. The good stufss ended on 2nd Jan.
These few days of 2010 seemed like forever with mutiple events taxing my already strained mental state. I have a strong inclination to just explode on someone, but I am not one who will admit my defeats to people, especially not to those whom i love and respect. Its too embarassing. I complain about minute things, irrelevant events just for the sake of complaining. But when things really do crop up, I will simply keep quiet and try to rectify.
Lab is proving to be a chore but surprisingly, i managed to get over my lack of motivation with the need to prove myself. I know this entire cycle of emotions all too well. It happens very often throughout my years of studies. If i need to prove myself, I will at any cost. Oh wells, the power of stress.
I have started to go to church regularly and its good to have someone to keep me in check cause i know i am not strong enough to abide spiritually yet to many things in life. It's amazing how perspectives are beought into focus with more directions in life. It makes me realise how many events and people in my life are transient and un-important. Yet, many more are important and its time to cherish them.
The issue of maturity. It saddens me to say, how i have not managed to talk any sense into a fren that i thought i should be able to change. A self proclaimed Christian but worshipping someone other than God himself. The effects are appalling and damaging to her behaviour. I had tried to apologise and rectify but I guess, either more time is needed or I may be wasting my time. Handling of emotions comes naturally through experiences and it can be thwarted when the person idolised someone. Initially I was afraid that the outburst was due to some other matters which i was afraid that it will be known but luckily, it may just be as simple as that.
Never mind, move on and I have greater things in life to worry about.
My life will undergo many major decisions during the next few months and people whom will be impeding my spiritual growth or otherwise should be eradicated. But i do hope that instead of elimination, they can be changed and still play a part in my life, if they are willing, there's always an open door at my doorstep.
Till then.

Posted by Jessica at Thursday, January 14, 2010